Losing Him
by musicalsarelife
Summary: A Les Miz fic. Enjolras is in love with Marius. Yes, slash. Goes from before the café meeting to the barricades. My first chapter story. Please read and review. Completed.
1. Chapter 1

My take on Les Miz slash

My take on Les Miz slash. I hope you enjoy my take on this. I of course do not own Les Miz. Love it though.

Losing Him

Enjolras woke up with the sunrise. He pulled on a clean white shirt and red vest. Today was a meeting of Les Amis de l'ABC. The revolution had become his life. As he finished dressing, he watched the sun beam through the window to the floor, occasionally glinting off the gilded writing on some of his books' covers. Being the idealistic young man he was, he couldn't help but believe that this new day promised to bring about the changes he had been wanting more and more the past few months.

The changes were not only for the society he desired. Over the months, Marius, another student, had grown in his mind. The youth was very attractive, Enjolras had always noticed that, but as he saw Marius more, his soft, black curls and deep. Bright eyes seemed to appear in his dreams. Eventually, Enjolras found that he truly desired to hold Marius in his arms, to taste his lips and gently trace his slight frame. Marius was the only person who could make him stop thinking about his revolution.

As a bold revolutionary, Enjolras has hardly ever been quiet about his views and wants. This made his feelings for Marius even more baffling. In the past, had he ever wanted something, he would have said so without hesitation. But around Marius, he found that he could never maintain the nerve to talk with him on this subject. The revolutionary decided it was fear of rejection.

He pulled his long, blond hair back, tying it out of his face. With a deep breath, he decided he would speak with Marius today after the meeting. His fear, he told himself, was probably unfounded. Enjolras had seen a young girl, Eponine, he thought, who was obviously fixated on Marius. Marius always seemed blind to Eponine's teasing and flirtations. He couldn't have not seen them. Everyone else did, so he must be looking on someone else. Marius, raised so strictly, had never seen another young lady, and with Marius's awkward gestures around him and fond smiles, Enjolras convinced himself that he was the object of Marius's dreams. For a moment, Enjolras wondered whether this logic was faulty, but he decided against it.

He sat down to read before he left for his meeting.

The meeting had been in progress for nearly half an hour. As Enjolras spoke, he would look at the clock on the café wall. Marius usually made a point to be no later than five minutes before the meeting began, so this was very unusual. Although he forced a calm front, Enjolras panicked in anticipation of seeing Marius.

He pulled the wine bottle away from an obviously intoxicated Grantaire, chastising him thoroughly. As he turned away from the drunk, Marius burst through the door.

"Marius, you're late." Enjolras caught Marius by the arm, forcing him to look into his eyes. The youth's apologetic half-smile made Enjolras's grasp melt.

Marius at down, as others commented on his frazzled appearance, and more than usual dreamy face. He began to tell the reasons why he was late. Enjolras had not listened in order to answer one of Courfeyrac's questions, but heard Marius briefly say, "…and she was gone."

"She"? Who was he talking about? Grantaire began teasing Marius. Enjolras felt slightly cheated. He realized that he had never actually spoken to Marius about his feelings, so he really did not hold any claim on Marius, but it still angered him. He shook off his momentary feeling of being utterly defeated, but resolved to keep Marius away from whoever this mystery woman was. He also resolved to reinitiate the push for the revolution. After all, Lamarque, the only government official who had ever cared about the people, was dying. It could not be long before the rising of the people.

As he spoke of the revolutionary glory the students, Marius nodded in understanding. He would fight.

The little urchin, Gavroche, ran in with news of Lamarque's death. The meeting ended with a triumphant cheer. As the students left to gather people to fight, Enjolras pulled Marius aside.

"So who's this girl you've found?"

Marius chuckled to himself and looked at the ground before looking up again to meet Enjolras's gaze. "I'm not sure. We haven't even spoken. I just ran into her and, well, she was just so beautiful. I've never seen anyone like her…"

Enjolras had not been completely listening. Once he found out that Marius didn't really know the lady, he decided it would be easy to keep him from falling for her. If he didn't know who she was or where she lived, he couldn't have truly loved her. He switched his focus to the revolution.

He and the others told their glorious vision to the people. They even managed to gather the support of some few disgruntled citizens.

They were about to turn back, and Enjolras decided to talk to Marius. However as he approached, he realized that Marius was talking to Eponine. She took his hand and pulled him away. Enjolras wasn't sure where they were going, but he the strange suspicion that it had something to do with the mystery woman.


	2. Chapter 2

I hope you have enjoyed the story so far

I hope you have enjoyed the story so far. I really love these two characters. Once again, I do not own Les Miz. Here's the next chapter.

Finally, the barricades were built. After months, Enjolras's dream, or at least part of it, would be completed. He would start his revolution.

He saw Marius give a letter to what looked like a little boy. Upon a second and third glance, he realized that it was Eponine. She ran off with tears in her eyes to deliver it. The revolutionary guessed it was for Cosette, which was the mystery woman's name.

Marius stared off into space, looking very pensive. He leaned against his rifle, which required his body to curve in a not at all unpleasant manner. Enjolras admired this curve as he walked up to Marius. He had concealed himself at another part of the barricade.

He reached out and touched the youth's shoulder, "Marius."

Snapped out of his reverie, Marius looked at Enjolras, "Yes?" He wore his characteristic smile that Enjolras had grown to love.

"Are you alright?"

He nodded. "I was thinking about Cosette."

Enjolras felt himself stiffen at the mention of the woman's name.. Marius continued, "I fear I will never see her again."

"What do you mean?"

"Her father wants to take her away. Across the sea. Even if I live through this battle…"

"Marius, stop." He had convinced himself that Marius could not die in this battle. He could not bring himself to the idea of losing this young man.

"Well, it might happen. But still, I may not see her."

"You love her?" He may as well ask, he decided.

"I think so. Well, I really believe I do."

"There will be others I'm sure."

"No." He seemed rather emphatic on this point. Enjolras didn't really mind. He didn't want to be the same as Cosette. "No I've never felt this way before. She is very special."

"There has never been anyone else?" Enjolras tried to encourage a point.

"I have never felt this way toward any other woman."

"Not woman." Enjolras's voice dropped to a bare whisper. He softly touched Marius's arm.

Suddenly, Marius began to understand. Enjolras had always seemed like a brother. It had never occurred to Marius that he might have any other feelings. Marius froze as Enjolras touched him. "What do you mean?" He tried to understand, but everything was so shocking and new that he couldn't seem to make things add up in his head.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Enjolras wrapped his left arm around Marius's waist, pressing his body against hi. He ran his right hand through Marius's hair, gently taking in the feeling of the soft strands and noticing how Marius fit next to him. Their faces were hardly two inches apart.

Marius started shaking under Enjolras's grasp. He wore a look of complete confusion and mild fear. It was a natural reaction, Enjolras thought, as things were probably changing very quickly for him.

The leader leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Marius's. He let his hand drift to the back of the smaller man's neck. It was oddly remarkable how it seemed to fit there. Enjolras was completely lost in Marius: Marius's body flush against his, his lips, and his hands on Enjolras's shoulders.

Marius was terrified. As soon as Enjolras kissed him, is entire body went stiff. He braced his hands on the rebel's shoulders, and with all the force he could muster, pushed Enjolras away. "What are you doing?" He wasn't angry, but confused and afraid.

"Marius?" Enjolras had dropped his voice to a choked whisper,

"I-I-I love Cosette." Marius stammered. "You're like a brother to me, but…I'm sorry."

Enjolras wondered if anyone outside of himself heard his heart torn out of his chest and ripped in half. He forced himself to breath deeply to keep from crying. "Marius, I love you. I have adored you for so long." His voice seemed to be a combination between a gasp and a whisper. "I thought you…"His voice faded to nothing.

Marius shook his head and looked to the ground. Silence fell between them. Their awkward pause seemed to last an eternity. "Enjolras, please say something." He begged.

An anger boiled in Enjolras's blood, but he could say nothing.

Marius reached out as if to touch his shoulder but then pulled away, deciding against it. "I am so sorry." He whispered, then he turned to leave. He ran his hand through his hair to brush it out of his face, and Enjolras wished so much that he could touch him just one more time.

After Marius had left his sight, Enjolras felt his knees buckle. He slammed his fist into the ground repeatedly until his knuckles became raw and slightly bloody. He stood up and walked out. When he turned a corner he saw Marius. His arm rested against a wall to steady himself, and his body was shaking. Soft crying sounds emitted from him.

As Enjolras passed, Marius softly spoke his name. Enjolras turned and faced him, his anger evident in his face. "Get out there." He told Marius in a harsh, hurtful tone.

Marius looked into his eyes with a sad pain. Slowly he nodded, and left Enjolras alone once more.

Neither said anything to the others, but a change was evident. They both shook off questions with false stories and ambiguous answers.


	3. Chapter 3

So I hope the few people who have read this are enjoying it anyway

So I hope the few people who have read this are enjoying it anyway. And thank you to my one reviewer. I hope you all enjoy the next chapter.

A few hours later, Enjolras saw Eponine climbing the barricades. A shot rang out, but she continued climbing, so he decided that she had not been hit.

Marius ran to her, questioning her about Cosette, and why she had returned.

As she answered, her voice trembled, and for some reason, she seemed unable to walk straight. Eventually she collapsed in Marius's arms. A look of horror spread across Marius's face as he realized she was bleeding profusely.

Enjolras gasped. He could not remember how old Eponine was. Twenty maybe? Not any older, he was sure. A tear rolled down his cheek for the poor injured girl, but he looked at Marius's face and felt even more pain. Eponine seemed strangely happy. Enjolras knew it was because Marius was holding her, but Marius looked so lost and confused and helpless. Enjolras choked back a sob.

Eponine's entire confession of love flowed out of her. Marius looked so lost. He had never known. This, Enjolras realized, had been his mistake. He had assumed that Marius had ignored Eponine's advances because he did not love her. He had ignored Eponine's advances because he never realized they were happening.

In the middle of her final sentence, Eponine fell back, dead. Marius pulled the body against him, holding it tightly. His small body heaved with sobs.

Grantaire and Lesgles pulled Eponine away from Marius. The youth tried to follow; he didn't want to lose her, but Enjolras stopped him, pulling him into an embrace. For a moment Enjolras wondered if Marius would mistake this for another romantic overture, but he did not.

Marius sobbed into Enjolras's shoulder for a minute. Enjolras pulled away, afraid to hold on to Marius any longer. Any feelings of anger and hostility had melted from Enjolras's heart. "Marius, rest." He said. After a couple drinks, the students laid down to sleep.

Enjolras did not sleep. He was losing confidence. The people he had been certain would rise, had not. He was afraid his men would run, and even worse, he was almost afraid that he might. His glorious fight for freedom had died as he realized that Eponine was far too young to die.

He stood up and walked around his sleeping friends. He noticed that Marius was not asleep. He sat up, his knees curled against his chest. Enjolras could tell he had been crying for quite some time. His poor young love was far too young to have watched one of his closest friends die, let alone die in his arms.

Enjolras walked over to Marius and touched his shoulder.

"Is it time for me to take the watch?" He asked as he stood up.

Enjolras shook his head. He took Marius's hand and pulled him over to the secluded corner of the barricade. There he pulled Marius into his arms once more. This time Marius didn't pull away, but rested in Enjolras's arms, taking in a small comfort.

After a minute, Enjolras lightly kissed Marius's forehead. He shivered slightly but did not draw back. Unsure of whether he should do this or not, Enjolras continued to press his luck, gently kissing Marius's neck. Between kisses, he whispered, "Marius, I am so sorry for everything."

"You have nothing for which to be sorry."

Enjolras continued kissing Marius. Whether or not he intended to do so, the kisses became continually more passionate.

Marius felt like he would soon break down. This night had just brought so many changes. Enjolras was in love with him. Eponine was in love with him, and she had died in his arms after he sent her off on a trip to help him. He really hated himself, knowing she probably would still be alive if he had not asked for her help.

In a desperate attempt to block his current mental status and guilt, Marius pulled Enjolras's lips to his. He had such a feeling that he needed someone, anyone, that he almost ignored the fact that he had not previously been attracted to Enjolras in that sense.

The revolutionary was a little shocked by the kiss, but he certainly did not object to it. With one hand around Marius's waist and another at the back of his neck, he forced the kiss deeper. Marius knotted his hand in Enjolras's hair, reciprocating with all his energy.

Enjolras was not entirely sure how ready Marius was for anything, but realizing the battle was at hand, he decided it might be his last chance. Also, Marius was not in the state of mind to turn down any affection. He wondered if he were taking advantage of Marius, but decided, or at least hoped against it. He let his hand slip to the top button of Marius's white shirt, which had one red stain of Eponine's blood. His hand rested on Marius's chest in a moment of hesitation before he began unbuttoning the shirt.

The warm summer air gently blew against Marius's now exposed chest. Enjolras gently caressed Marius's sides and back, pulling him even closer. He planted a small kiss on Marius's collarbone.

Marius pulled away, but only slightly. Enjolras momentarily feared he had done something to upset the young man, but this faded as he realized that Marius was steadily pulling off the red vest her wore, albeit with shaking hands. Those shaking hands rested at the buckle of Enjolras's belt.

Marius looked into the rebel's eyes. With a small nod, he loosened the belt. Enjolras quickly did the same. They slowly sunk to the barricade floor.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, so here's the last chapter

Okay, so here's the last chapter. I hope you have all enjoyed this story. I really enjoyed writing it. So anyway…

The soft rustle of the night breeze woke Marius. Although there was a second of horror with what had happened, it passes, as he realized he didn't really want to be anywhere else. Their bodies entwined, Marius rested his head on Enjolras's chest, the steady beat of the man's heart keeping him clam.

He reached and gently strokes Enjolras's cheek. Despite Marius's hope, Enjolras woke up slightly startled. He pulled away to better look into Marius's eyes. Marius stared back into his.

In his eyes, Enjolras saw a change. He did still love Cosette, but he could love Enjolras too. As if to confirm Enjolras's assessment, Marius set his hand on Enjolras's cheek, leaned in, and gently kissed him.

They moved apart and put on their clothes. A sense of propriety compelled them to turn away from each other as they did, but they turned to face each other again. Slowly, a smile spread across Marius's face, the first smile Enjolras had seen since their last meeting at the café. It was a beautiful smile, and Enjolras felt his own mouth curve into a smile to match.

Marius let out a small laugh before he fell into Enjolras's arms once more. Enjolras buried his face in Marius's hair, and even cried slightly in his joy.

As they held each other, they heard a shot ring out. They turned to face the noise. The other students were awakening, calling for Marius and their leader.

The two lovers pulled away. Enjolras held Marius's hand for a moment, staring into the youth's eyes. Marius gave him his apologetic half-smile and kissed him a final time. They smiled and exited their secluded corner.

Away from that secluded area, the battle raged outside. Marius and Enjolras grabbed their rifles and began to fire.

The battle seemed to have no sense of time, especially to the rebel and his love. Whether it was five minutes or five hours later, Marius and Enjolras did not know, but in a moment a shot fired. Marius clutched his side and fell back.

Whether his shriek was out loud or in his head, Enjolras did not know. He couldn't lose him now. He tried to run to him, but Courfeyrac pulled him away, pushing him up the barricade.

Through blinding tears, he ran up, and brazenly pointed his gun at the opposition. He fired three shots before the opposition returned. It hit him squarely in the chest. The force caused him to fly back and slide down the barricade wall. Enjolras was dead.

Marius, however, had only been wounded, though gravely. Mortified, he dragged himself to Enjolras's body.

"Enjolras." He repeated the name, grasping the rebel's shoulder. He heaved with sobs as he reached him. "God, please. I can't lose you."

But he could lose him, and he had.

The loss of blood from his wound caused Marius to become very dizzy. For a few seconds more, Marius cried for Enjolras. Then everything went black.


End file.
